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Unspoken Rules of the Girls Public Bathrooms

The public bathroom, like all places, can be a very social place as well as a place to be avoided. Between the long lines that seem to wind down the hall to your talkative neighbor constantly complaining about some tirade that is clouding her life, what could be more frustrating—and amusing? Not to mention the frantic girl close to the back of the line doing a small jig trying to wait her turn and hopefully make it to a stall in time. Reminding you all the while of the small children that have stood in line doing what they call a potty dance as they desperately clutch onto the hand of their parents (as well as their crotch) waiting patiently with a slight look of fear that they might not be able to hold it after all. Hoping beyond hope that those darn potty training skills come in handy. All these are cause for much interest as well as a huge amount of annoyance as you wait your turn.

By all means, who wouldn’t want to stand in a huge line? Chatting to strangers and friends while your bladder feels as if it might burst if the idiots before you don’t hurry up. I mean, how long should it take. Get in, get out, and please wash your hands before you exit. But of course there’s the casually slow walk toward the stall, all the while talking to one of your friends, laughing hysterically like there’s no one else in the room. Annoyance flares as girls slowly take their time, feet tapping, aimlessly trying to draw attention away from that soda that is threatening to…well you get the picture. The point is it is far to long of a wait.

Finally one of the toilets will flush as well as the rest, seemingly synchronized, as if they had planned the whole thing in advance. Girls crowd out of the stalls, so that more can take their place, only to stand crowded in front of the mirror.

In a fraction of a second the make-up is flipped out of purses, hair is being fixed, and teeth are being checked. If all else fails the girls turn back to their friends to talk more about their boyfriends or whatever else pops into their minds. All the while those who had planned the simple get in, get out, and exit plan I mentioned before are stuck waiting behind all these talkative chits. One of the girls shriek as she pokes herself in the eye with her mascara stick, while another shoves through the crowd finally being able to wash her hands and silently wondering if she was the one that accidentally bumped the girl with the mascara. Who at the moment is frantically rubbing her eye, as it turns red from irritation.

Now as you stand in line for the girls around the sink to disperse you become vaguely aware of how fast the bathroom is filling up with more occupants. People push and shove to get past you, trying as before to either get to a stall or vacate the premises. And on the rare occasion, you get smacked in the back of the head with a door you realize shouldn’t be able to swing that way.

Finally emerging from that horrid fiasco of pushing and shoving and the sudden attack of the door, you come to the hall that is not so over crowded (though sometimes not much better).

Overall don’t be one of these people. Please stand in line and wait your turn, talk as much as you like, dance for all I care, but when a stall opens please do not precede at a snails pace to get there. Remember there are others that are more desperate than you and would very much appreciate your place in line. And should I mention, do not, I repeat DO NOT sit down on those porcelain seats--unless of course you don’t mind the appearance of some mysterious rash some weeks later. But hey, why listen to me right? It’s a risk you can take.

As before please make haste. Wash your hands and please get out. Your make-up looks fine, your hair hasn’t changed in the last class, and unless you’ve eaten something in the last five or so minutes I doubt there will be anything in your teeth. So unless there is a dire emergency that involves many tears and running mascara, I suggest that you leave before you get hit with the door that may be swinging your way.